Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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