Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
