Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
