Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
