Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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