some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
