he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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