she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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