I'm eating all of the evidence.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
