someone threw a dead crab at me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
