is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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