She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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