oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
