"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
