There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This is not my ceiling
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
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