I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
