Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She said her name was "party"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
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Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
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Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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