Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
