rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
