On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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