He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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