His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
