Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
