i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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