Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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