i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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