Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
