The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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