Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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