Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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