I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
