We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
3pm strippers are depressing
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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