apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
