Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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