fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
