I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
