ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
