I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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