He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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