No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
