Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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