Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
