Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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