apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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