Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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