I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
