Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
