It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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