were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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