Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
