so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
