Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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