She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
