All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
