By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
