He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
