I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
