Porn is love you can see.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This baby is an asshole
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
