I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
