it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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