I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
