the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize