So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
