Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
