Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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