Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
the raccoons are back...
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