Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
