im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
