Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
